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"Diversity Hire" is the third episode of the first season of Archer. It first aired on January 21, 2010.

"Man, Conway, what have you gotten yourself into?"
"You'd better pray it wasn't my mother."
"I'm... fairly confident that you misread that entire situation."
Conway Stern and Sterling Archer[src]



A new field agent makes a splash at ISIS, but Archer and Lana suspect there may be something all too perfect about their new diversity hire.


During a staff meeting, Malory Archer reveals that due to the deaths of several agents, ISIS must hire a racially diverse staff to obtain tax incentives. She announces she has solved the issue by hiring Conway Stern - a black Jewish man. Malory gives Conway a tour, where Stern gets propositioned by Malory, and in a fight with Archer in the locker room (which ends in a very gay position). Lana is intensely angry with Stern taking her position as top agent, and is suspended by Malory for questioning her hire.

Meanwhile Pam and Cyril fight over the vacant corner office, and Cheryl (now calling herself Cristal) sexually desires for Conway Stern and sleeps with him. She hopes to have been impregnated by him.


Cultural References[]

  • Sammy Davis Jr. - "Sammy Gayvis Jr." is a reference to this famous singer, who was both black and Jewish.
  • Elizabeth Warren - Cheryl's "I'm one sixty-fourth Cherokee" comment is a reference to Senator Elizabeth Warren, who controversially claimed indigenous lineage early in her career and later struggled to prove it when challenged.
  • Lord of the Rings - Bilbo's coat of Dwarven mithril is a fictional garment from the franchise.
  • Tron - After Pam tells Archer that his complaint was "bounced back" by the system, he insists that she "unbounce it". Pam says "What am I, Tron?" In the 1982 film, the hero competes in a futuristic game similar to jai alai, in which players bounce energy balls at each other.
  • Project Runway - Archer refers to Conway's hire as "mother's little Project Conway", a reference to the reality show.
  • Danger Zone - A song featured in the 1986 film Top Gun, sung by Kenny Loggins.
  • Charles Whitman - "Charles Whitman sampler" is a dual reference. First, to a former U.S Marine and engineering student who engaged in a shooting spree using a sniper rifle at the University of Texas at Austin campus in 1966. Second, to the Whitman's sampler, a popular assortment of boxed chocolates.
  • The Hunt For the Red October - The Whisper Drive is a homage to the "Caterpillar Drive" from Tom Clancy's 1984 novel, which allowed the submarine to operate silently.
  • To Have and Have Not - Malory's question "You know how to whistle, don't you?" is a reference to the 1944 movie.
  • Cheryl's new name, Cristal, is a reference to the highly priced Cristal wine.

Running Gags / Callbacks[]

  • Not So Secret Agent: It is revealed in flashbacks that Archer got several fellow agents killed by loudly exposing them as ISIS agents over the phone while they were on undercover missions.
  • Bullet Magnet Brett: Archer shoots an offscreen Brett Bunsen for the second time. This time was intentional, as it was proof of the stopping power of Archer's gun.
  • Identity Crisis: Cheryl Tunt tells Cyril Figgis that she has changed her name to Cristal to impress Conway Stern.
  • Upchuck Archer: Archer gets violently sick to his stomach and vomits at the thought of his mother having sex with Conway.
  • Danger Zone: Its debut mention, Archer exclaims that Lana is still obsessed with him, telling her to call Kenny Loggins because "[she] is in the Danger Zone". He calls back to this at the end of the episode, whilst bleeding out on Malory's rug.
  • Wait, I Had Something For This: Archer fails to come up with an insult for Conway, only for Conway to provide one for him - Sammy Gayvis Jr.
  • Classic Malory: Being selfish and not telling Archer she has a South Beach condo.
  • Lana's Hands: First of many references to the size and strength of Lana's hands. After she cold-cocks Cyril, he mentions her "big, Flintstoney fists". As Conway tries to escape via helicopter with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist, Lana's snags the case with a spear gun and pulls Conway's hand off.


  • This is the first episode not to feature Woodhouse.
  • The spear gun Lana uses appeared in the previous episodes.
  • Callback to Cyril chopping vegs in his office.


  • This is the first episode to feature a staff meeting during the cold open. 
  • The first item on Malory's agenda, according to the memo she's holding, was “ISIS wet bar changing gin brands to save money”.
  • This is the third episode to feature a yet-to-speak Dr. Krieger. He is present at the staff meeting in the cold open.
  • El Frente Rojo plays a major part of the episode "Swiss Miss".
  • The submarine that is to be modified to accept the Whisper Drive in Conway Stern's briefing is identified as the "Borei/Dolgorukiy". This sub design is part of Project 955 Borei which was not laid down until 1996. However, in the mid-1980s (matching up with the show's apparent time frame), another Borei subproject, 935 (though not known as Dolgorukiy) was briefly in development. Project 955 is slated to carry the Bulava SLBM, while Conway's sub is slated to carry the R-39UTTH "Bark" missile, which was indeed to be carried by the 935 Borei. In reality, ISIS needn't have worried - the Bark never made a successful test flight and was canceled, to be replaced by Bulava on the 955 subs.
  • Sterling comments that he called Lana "Quadroon", a term for a person who is 1/4 African/Aboriginal.
  • Through a doorway at Malory's condo, we see a large portrait of her late dog, Duchess.
  • After Cheryl (then called Cristal) and Conway have sex, she is seen with bruises around her neck. Conway later tells Cyril that she is "kinda weird [in] a bunch of ways." This statement and the bruises foreshadow Cheryl's choke-sex fetish.
  • Pam's ISIS newsletter, “Weekly Spyglass”, calls Conway “That strikingly handsome hunk of velvety dark chocolate” as well as noting he “stands an impressive 6 foot 5 inches high” and claims “Mr. Stern has already set the field agent bar much higher than any ISIS agent before him. His sculpted body, chiseled good looks, and mountains of field experience will be a great asset to ISIS. Mr. Stern will help bring an extra level of professionalism and sex appeal ISIS so desperately needs. Mr. Stern is cold and calculated when it comes to work, but knows how to be tender and caring as well. One minute Mr. Stern is killing an enemy agent with a well-placed judo chop, then feeding you chocolate dipped strawberries the next. All women want him and all men want to become him. It’s easy to get lost staring into Mr. Stern’s big brown mysterious eyes, so be careful when you introduce yourself to him today.”
  • Half of Pam's ISIS newsletter is written in English, but the second half is written in Latin.
  • The knife that Conway Stern stabs Archer in the back with is a Fairbairn–Sykes fighting knife, made famous during World War II by British commando units and American OSS agents.
  • When Archer is stabbed by Conway, it is a Chekhov knife, which he held to Archer's neck in the locker room scene, which happens immediately before:
    • Archer shoots Brett with his gun of the Chekhov variety.
  • Conway saves Archer's life twice, quickly earning Archer's trust and respect, only to literally and figuratively stab him in the back moments later.


First Appearances[]


Cyril: "Oh, I think we're pretty diverse."
Lana: "HA! Please."
Archer: "What, Lana? You're black...ish."
Lana: "ISH?!"
Archer: "Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said quadroon!"
Lana: "Imagine that!"
Archer: "YOU imagine it!"
Malory: "Both of you, imagine shutting up!"


Malory: "Item eight. We need a diversity hire."
Archer: "I vote Asian chick!"
Malory: "And after an exhaustive search I found the perfect candidate. So join me in welcoming our new ISIS agent..."
Conway: "Stern, Conway Stern."
Malory: "He's a diversity double whammy!"


Malory: "And this is the locker room."
Conway: "Yeah, the, uh, lockers were a tip-off."
Malory: "Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything... well, you know how to whistle, don't you, Conway?"
Conway: "Yep. Lips together. Blow. Got it."


Lana: "Frodo and Salsa were my operations!"
Conway: "At ease, career admiral! Malory was getting impatient on Salsa..."
Lana: "Salsa was a highly complex operation!"
Conway: "Two phone calls. And as for Frodo... Well, some pun involving hobbits."
Bilbo: "Like, I bet he wishes he was Wearing Bilbo's coat of dwarven mithril, right?"
Conway: "I'm gonna take your word on that."


Archer: "I want to file an HR complaint against Conway."
Pam: "On what grounds?"
Archer: "He touched my penis with his penis."
Pam: "Wow!"
Archer: "Yeah, he just came up to me and was like, 'bwoop!'"
Archer: "All of it, head and shaft, and I...oh, you mean where in the building."


Cristal: "Cyril, I need a little favor."
Cyril: "Okay, Cari... (sees her nametag) oh, now it's 'Crystal'?"
Cristal: "Cris-tal! You know, like the champagne? It's what hot black guys drink."
Cyril: "Uh, you sure about that?"
Cristal: "And I want Conway to drink me, so I need you to hook a sister up."
Cyril: "Well, I will certainly try."
Cristal: "No, don't try, do. And here, use this."
(she hands Cyril a bag of shrimp and he sniffs it)
Cyril: "Uhh! Wow! What is this?"
Cristal: "Tell Conway that his Secret Santa wants to 'come early.'"
Cyril: "Eww."
Cristal: "Or, you know, whoever brings Jewish people their Christmas presents."


Lana: "And what do we even know about this guy?"
Archer: "Only that he's not circumcised."
Lana: "Okay, glossing over how you know that--"
Archer: "We touched penises."
Lana: "No! Glossing!"


Mallory: "Lana Kane! Just because now you're not the only black agent..."
Lana: "Hey! That is not..."
Mallory: "Urban. Whatever."


Conway: "Here, this'll help the swelling."
Cyril: "Oh, thank you. Where'd you get the steak?"
Conway: "Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood."
Cyril: "Yeah, she's kind of weird that way."
Conway: "Yeah, she's kind of weird a bunch of ways."


Pam: "Whatcha doing, bird bones?"
Cristal: "Looking for a pregnancy test online."
Pam: "But there's a drug store a half a...oh, you mean that you take online."
Cristal: "Yeah, I want to know, like, now."
Pam: "Well, thank God for them internets."


Lana: "Yeah, I do so try not to do anything stupid, okay? Conway could be dangerous."
Archer: "Yeah, You know what's dangerous? Your obsession with me."
Lana: "Just..."
Archer: "Seriously, Lana, call Kenny Loggins, 'cause you're in the danger zone."
Lana: (sighs)
Archer: "From Top Gun."
Lana: "Just be careful."
Archer: (after a long pause) "No."


Archer: "Conway, wait! Just answer me one question."
Conway: "Yeah, make it quick, my ride's here. And your lungs are filling up with blood."
Archer: "Did you have sex with my mother?!"
Conway: "What? That is your only question? Not 'Who am I?', not 'How did I infiltrate ISIS?', or-or 'Who the hell's flying the helicopter?'"
Archer: "Just answer the question!"


Archer: "Lana... Conway...he--"
Lana: "Yeah, whoever he was, he must have ghosted an I.D. file onto our worldwide database."
Archer: "Which you probably found after researching me, Lana..."
Lana: "Ugh!"
Archer: "...'cause you're in the... DANGER ZOOOOONE!" (coughs up blood)
Lana: "And those were his last words, right before he bled to death on the rug."


Malory: "Oh, damn! Now I bet she's going to squeeze up all my brand-new lemons! And I'll have nothing left to remind me of Conway."
Cristal: "Except his little mocha love child."
Malory: "His what?!"
Cristal: "Yeah."
Malory: "You had sex with Conway?"
Cristal: "Yeah, and he totally impregnated me."
Malory: "Wait, he was only here two days. How is that test showing positive?"
Cristal: "Oh, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a little blue sticker on it."

Gallery of Images[]

There are 29 screenshots and images from "Diversity Hire" on this Wiki, visit the category page for a complete gallery.

External links[]

Reference List[]

  1. Archer Season 1 Ratings on